A: I gasp in horror as I scroll through the photos. I break out in a cold sweat. To you, I relay words of shock, apology and reassurance, but behind the scenes, I utter foul language fit for the scurviest of sailors…
This is not acceptable — they must pay! I batten down the hatches and go to war!
But, I go into battle knowing full well that my little sloop doesn’t stand much of a chance… The other side will blow my proud boat to smithereens, for alas! Their ship is massive. Their strategy is unwavering, unforgiving, unyielding. Ever true to my word, bound by my honour, I set sail. Most probably, I shall meet my end…
We face off in open water. I fire a warning round. I don’t really want to hurt anyone, simply just get what’s owed to me. They turn their many guns on me, and without a second of hesitation, they open fire…
It rains down upon me, blocking out the sun. I try to shoot back, but my cannon balls merely ricochet off their deck, barely leaving a scratch. I sustain hit after hit, my boat now resembling the very mangled parcel that started this whole thing in the first place! I’m taking on water; my weapons are destroyed. I have no choice - no power! I abandon all hope and flee to the safety of my little life raft. The other side calmly - cockily - turn on their heel and set sail off into the sunset. I row slowly back to shore. Battered and bruised. Fuming, indignant, helpless.
But -- I have your replacement order on board. You can expect delivery soon!
Q: Did this really happen?
A: Fantastical visual metaphor aside, this is exactly what happened. I sent out a parcel, packaged in an incredibly strong and sturdy mailing tube. It arrived at my client’s home looking like the dog’s breakfast (don’t get me started with a new metaphor!) - totally squashed, sporting a giraffe pattern that really could only have been caused by a vehicle’s tyre. I contacted the courier and they denied all responsibility. I did not even get a refund for the shipping costs of this parcel!
Q: Did you change courier companies?
A: Unbelievably, no.
Q: WHAAAAT?!?! Why not?!?!?!
A: Their service is really best suited to my needs right now. Changing couriers would mean a massive jump in costs — not only more expensive rates, but also logistical complications that I just cannot afford right now.
The truth is, we have absolutely no control over couriers. Any and all courier companies mess up and notoriously refuse accountability. Not only has e-commerce in SA expanded dramatically since Covid, many of them have (understandably!) signed on to ship for the Big Boys like Takealot, Amazon and even Shein and Temu. In November and December - a time that I’ve now not-so-lovingly dubbed the “Courier Nightmare Season” - they are inundated with orders over Black Friday and the lead-up to Christmas. They simply cannot keep up with demand!
The other truth is, we have to lower our expectations. Ugh, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I’m afraid it’s a reality. This same-day-delivery-mentality that we’re moving towards is unreasonable, unnecessary (do you really NEED IT today, Karen?!) and will only lead to disappointment.
Q: Has anything else like this ever happend before?
A: Yes. I’ve worked with a variety of couriers over the years. There hasn’t been a single one that hasn’t stuffed something up (I’ve also never met a rude or unprofessional driver!). Parcels have gone missing (and were found!); been collected and delivered late (but eventually got where they needed to go!); locker doors wouldn’t open (but were rebooked); customer service was lacking or non-existent (I have no clever little remark for this)… And once - only once - did they drive over a parcel and deliver it in a truly horrific condition (citing that they didn’t notice that the contents had been damaged and decided to proceed with the delivery - pffft!).
Q: So… what’s the solution here?
A: Is there truly a solution when one’s hands are cut off? All I can do is to take responsibility for what I can control. I can send out your parcel when I’ve promised to send it. I can manage your expectations (“Unfortunately, I do not offer same-day delivery”), especially during peak times like the Courier Nightmare Season (“If you want it before Christmas, you have to order before…”). Should things go horribly wrong, I can and will go to battle against the courier company (and lose) and fight to soothe your disappointment and earn back your trust (and hopefully win).
And whilst my little life raft is bobbing in the vast ocean, I can remind myself that I have also stuffed up. And the people on the other end of that stuff up have been unimaginably understanding, patient and kind...
